—007—

i couldnt sleep last night. i dunno, maybe too much laziness yesterday. oh…what a marvelous quiet world in this almost morning hour. one says, "if one couldn’t sleep, then one got no blessing. coz good nite sleep is a blessing." hmph, he got me there…..but this is the waking hours of my brain, of my soul to stop for a moment in my life and think. i lose myself after i got this job. not that i hate it. i love the people, they care me soo much! cant thankfull enuff. but back in the days i’m free as a wild fox, i used to ride on and hit the gas in the middle of the night listening to my CD player hitting the road of Jakarta, anywhere. or just ringing over my friend’s phone, ask them out, find a nice spot and snap cool pictures of nite life in a big city. or just walking by myself with a nice warm jacket, music in my pocket plugged to my ear and passing every street corner or redlights. sometimes i passed a person sleeping on the side walk with his son, or a grampa just alone curving himself into warmth. everytime i saw them i could do nothing to make their life better. just whisper to myself softly: "Lord, bless them." becoz i believe word is the most powerful energy ever. well, that’s just fun memories i could only talked now. i like night time, it’s like u could do almost anything. not mention no sound at all, peacefull and calm. i never lit my light in my room. only my desk lamp. i like darkness, it felt comfortable. soothing soul & my eyes. i gotta do some crazy shit again, do something challenging. i’m tired of parties, never stop turntable, i need a gettaway.

pretty long time no write. i got zillion things to do over past months. cliché yeah? sidang tugas akhir has been the heaviest burden of mine, but ended with smile. hihihi. and right now, i’m vacationing myself with working. freak? thanks. from this I realize that dealing with network and stuff from 7.15 till mostly 6pm is hell and really drying out my energy and absolutely have no time for shopping. nevermind. thank God, the chair is quiet comfortable, at least my butt wont get hurt sitting here along day, the no-firewall-access internet, smiley-and-fun people (love the environment), slurrrrrrrrrrppp menus of lunch, yeah those pay!

working is the only thing that keep me alive –literally- and also something that I can keep my mind from wondering off to negative things. hmmph… i should stop this o-pitty-me attitude and grab on to something. sometimes we just aren’t grateful enough when we got a better situation and an advance level of life. just be thankful and carry on, so i did.

last weekend was in

bandung

. i’m enjoying moment of break after 5 working days with endless source codes and network complaint calls. forget all my works, deadlines and appointments, just try to feel my breath from this devastated lungs. saturday weather was fine, great night (oyea, last 2 weeks was my comeback time on clubbing, but sepi bgt kayak kuburan instead of date 7/7/07), cool air hitting each of my tired faces after business days. then the next day all i did was just bath-tubing, hairdressing, window-shopping, tennis, mongolian lamb chop barbeque, and of course, well-sleeping.

anyway, my graduation is another 4 days and it feels just the same. it’s actually my ticket to next phase. we already have been through all kind of life episodes, different organizations and all sort of social communities. school life, college fraternity, window shoppers, the friendster, sport clubs, religion affiliation, clubbing act, media relations, gossip group, cyber-communities and even family members, has taught us to be the you-have-to-do-this person.

being ourselves is the most precious thing we have right now. why should we cover hey-this-is-me inside and play ordinary human out there? even God couldn’t change us into something we don’t want to be or do. He can only show us the door and it is us who must walk through it. my eyes have deceived me in many ways. it only show me things I want but never what I need, it began to run down slowly within my veins and pumping my dry-cold-heart. all i have to do is work my ass off and focus to build my own career somewhere in part of the world.

and now, that another door is open.

i pack my bag and hit the road.