—007—

Everyone wants someone who could take care of themselves. I mean really care, really share. Is there someone like that? The answer is YES, I’ve been there, felt everything that a person shouldn’t give that kinda attention to me.

I have this feeling for someone who I thought was nice, smart, and maturely responsible. We met, we talk and everything was just right. Until we just crossed that line where pressed “oh-my-god-i-never-thought-we-act-this-way” button.

Then i was scared. Scared of nothing. Coz there is nothing. Hard to explain, but felt so real.

I’m not trying to make another drama by keep telling me to avoid that one i’m running from. It’s just not easy. REALLY NOT THAT EASY. call me foolish, call me pathetic, but that’s the way i am.

Then, I try to examine myself to why I like someone who is better than me. I mean, we all are, right? Either that is physically, financially (bwahahaha), emotionally or intelligently on a higher level than ourselves, those are the types we’re looking for, for the sake of self development.

And frankly speaking, our eyes is the first gate to the rest of our body & mind, correct? Its bullshit when other telling you “I like that person by his/her inner beauty”. i mean, c’mon… how do you know if you haven’t seen them!? Anyway, I want people to be sexually attracted (theoretically speaking) by the way I am. so I improve it by make a first impression yet the best they ever experienced. Then, I armored myself with knowledge from every aspect of life; at least people can’t fool me then.

But then again speaking, it is still depends on how we open the door of ourselves to other people when they have reached our door grip. My door is bit rusty with hurt and pain all over. So I always have to try harder to let people in, especially that particular one that can close back the door and stay in forever.