—007—

My useless days of unemployment is filled with fake pleasures, luckily sweet Lord still granted me a working mind creating writings; that is my lost paradise running from reality. I always believe that there’s God’s plan in all this changes, the sweet Lord wouldn’t lead us to the valley of shadow won’t He?

There is nothing but hollow space beside me and wide open space up above my head. Heart keeps telling myself that I am a well-developed human being that is in process of learning and waiting for the best. I must take my lesson and finish them, not leaving the classroom like a preschool kid before it ends. I can face my monster with the help of people that kept on remind me of lesson I once forget in time.

Right now is early 2008, and i’d like to filled-up my wide head space with daydreaming of the brilliant state of my own future. I lived in a situation where I’m comfort at, ya know, where the grass is green– even the neighbor’s is greener– and the weather just perfect. But this is no good, coz I have a goal that I have to fulfill. An intimate ambition towards a mutual personality and self development. It takes more than 300 Spartans or 4 super heroes combine all together for me to achieve my dreams. If 50 Cents were here, he would say: “Get Rich or Die Tryin”..haha.

I always dream of a better living without relying on my mommy, I’m supporting myself together with my little own family, we’re having a nice descent living place in New York. Me running my own company– okay, i’m a businessman is still reachable. With a little black cat and soft-light-brown wall colors, where we have 3 bedrooms and a mini-bar. If I peeked out to the window in the morning, I’d see busy day of NYC filled with hedonism and individual-workaholic-pressured-world. We’d have two cars (one Mercedes and one Japanese) in the garage, a butler, a chef and a handyman.

But again, to have all the things I’m dreaming above, I must have something to smack me up and get my ass to move. So, life has giving me the key and lead me to the door. I’ll start with applying for scholarship somewhere in Europe, start my life from scratch there, let’s say intakes on 2010, graduated, then in the next few years I’ll hop into USA and living my life in New York. All I gotta do is believing, working and praying and the universe will start to do the rest.

.AAMIIN.

Huaaaaa, long time y’all! My oh my, we’re on the opening of the year (again). It felt like I was just entering 2007 with a bright, energetic and full of resolution ready to be fulfilled. Now, it’s my turn to be busy making my how-do-i-finish-another-year list. Hmm, I guess it is done and now it’s time to move on to another page of myself and stepping into another realm of life level. It’s sweet, bitter, dark yet adventurous this remarkable 2007. His guide is so real I can feel Him touching me and say: “You did great, My son.”

Well, all we want is something happy for ourselves, our family, our love story to turned out to be okay and yes, pocket full of ching-ka-ching. I made some happen this year, some went bad and disturbing, but most of them make a good mixture of my life story. I red my blog, most of them filled with stories of desperation, courage of being tortured and fragile single soul afraid to be left out alone in the big jungle. Guess what? No sir not next year. Years to come I will be more mature and self reliant, more powerful to fight them, more controllable the other me inside, brave to spit on your faces and say no to what I really don’t like doing. Sounds harsh, but as a tree grow tall, it will grow stronger and harder. Maybe I can’t put aside my melodrama-personality; at least I can make this pathetic life more interesting with dramatic point of view.

“That everyday people, they lie to God too. So what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you?” that’s what my sista, Lauryn Hill told me. So I start to build the firewall against the world outside, not a single trusted program can enter my delicate heart. It was me with full anger capacity, cold against every people try to reach in. But somehow deep inside, I was lonely and more hurt than before, damage by my own ego and self-denial. At the beginning of 2007, I felt something was different about me, after I cooled myself down for a while. I started to loosen up and felt the life I’m living.

My point is, I change myself like no one can do it. I’m an engineer for my own heart, body and soul. The lesson I learn wasn’t easy and cute, but meaningful turning me to be stronger to face another year. Yeah, life always has its own way to protect us somehow. Between the barb wires and open wounds, we can always find hands that will heal us and at least make the pain go away. All I can say is: have a blast year of 2008 guys. Be crazy, be happy, be fun with yourself becoz it’s your life after all. Ciao!!