—007—

very bad day i had this day..
hfff….
lord, please give me faith

February 21st 2007 9:58pm

it was a perfect day and it still is.. It was raining, but sweet sweet Lord stop it at the right time, at time when i used to out for dining with fam. great fetucini au gratin, my fave evaa! hff, as if i want everyday of mine runs as like this.. like the birthday of mine.. only mine..
In this very peaceful nite, i sat in front of my notebook and think. think of how my life has change and emerged into something better. its developing within years i didn’t realize. many pains, sorrow, tears that actually brought me in this state of happiness in the end. eventually. many feelings that i have thought it was love but it wasn’t, hates turn into friendship, friends turns into your inside killer.

God know me so well. He create me like a maze. He take a piece of me, throw a piece of me so that i know what i’m looking for and put me back together. something don’t change as i watch carefully, it just turn into something worst than ever and some just stuck in the same old road. i cried for things that now as i realize it was stupid to cry for. i know what it means by: thing that can’t kill you makes us stronger.

life is just jack in a box. i dunno what’s gonna pop up in the next minute. still there is somethings i know and it won’t change. all the love around and everywhere that keeps coming in my direction. everybody cares in ways i couldn’t imagine. they want to control but they don’t want to be ruled upon. shy and yet shameless to show what they feel to me. strange and how peculiar they behave, talk or act. not that i don’t like it but based on my relationship before, these are rarely found or it’s just me that not walked far enough? i dunno. what i know for sure is they giving me such a strange affections and tender i never ever felt before. what are this souls? every year brought me to a greater state of level i can’t control. they liked being treated as hidden treasures where they are precious to me but don’t let other pirates saw them too and stole it away.

But anyway.. I have everything i need rite here with me.
My health, my lovely vever family, my productive youth, my unsual kind of thinking, my great sense in fashion (hahahaha), my mind that i could overdrive and nobody else could control, and very especially i’m sorrounded by my beloving friends. i’m moving on just like every other living mind. thanks for all, Lord.. thanks.. i kept repeating that word in amazes.

happy bithday, my dear dery…
enjoy your life as its golden!

gawd! holiday ends… i’ve got soo many stories to tell about the not-so-pissing-off holiday of mine.. but it takes foreva to write those down!! hehe.. yang jelas, so much fun aja liburan gw term ini.. aga2 sedikit boros sih, but, take and give banget laaah.. mana ada di dunia ini yg gratis kecuali guestlist kan? ;p

gw beli spatu from **r*, jeans from g*, kaosnya *2, kaos kaki ne*t dan sgala macem laah. kan mo ulang taun. hahahahahaha, promosi! lagian tar ulang taun blanja lagi.. yay! oya, holiday ini juga, i gained so many new friends outta there. very interesting..

last day tadi gw nyempetin ke titi anam bentar. at least i feel fresh for running the upcoming days of this term. yup, sukses ya semester ini, der! hope it’s gonna be the last term of mine, aamiin!!!

I’m stupid yes, but i’m not that foolish!!!!! hehehehe

oh, oky if i still have to resolute the whole of mine
this year…..
things are gonna change
Gonna be nicer; to fams, pals, friends, girls, exs, the upcoming :), and (even) strangers.
Gonna shalat more punctual, read alquran more.
Gonna leave those club act, and start all over again.
Gonna read more books, keep up with the news.
Gonna more outspoken, more strict on the finance of mine.
Gonna learn how to cook, spend less money on shopping.
I’ll finish my study on time, and move up on my tugas akhir, everyday.

Resolutions, baby they come and go.
Will I do any of these things?
i have made my resolution and i will try to keep track on it.
If there’s one most thing I must do: despite my greatest fear

again,
all i need is a mind erasing programs, just like jhony mnemonic had. i want to erase and rearrange my time, to the time where there was before you………………………

gw sebenernya anti-resolusi loh.. so mungkin gw hanya mengulang resolusi2 gw taun lalu.. maybe taun depan juga gitu.. taun2 selanjutnya juga.. it seems like i’m no better man time after time. but, that’s me.. i love to be the same stupid person who never like changes. that’s why i’m anti-resolution..
bliss!

2007’s first day………

if I start to think or even a day dreaming about the future, what i meant is some great and happy future (stupid rhetorical).. i mean, i fantasize (sounds creepy) about a lot of things–please dont get me wrong, including that future. it gives me an ideal image of what should be. from our families until boundaries we will had and what we will be. it helps us to somewhat called "escape from the reality" which would give us a feeling of fulfillment even for a short period of time… it’s good in a way but it does disappoint a bit when you realize you’re back in reality. well, it freaks me out. i’d rather choose not to think, i’ll just let it flow just like water.. my dark water. but im agree that every human in this world has running their life using 80 % unconciousness, and just 20 % conciousness. we all loved to dreamed. its normal… and to hell with those people who dont understand us… if people talk negatively about you, live in such a way that no one will believe them.. who cares?

surely i dont wanna fuss about future, the tips are just relax and let the current take ur boat to someplace exiciting and new. let’s say, everything happen for a reason. and we just have to thank-God once again. another piece of my puzzle is added to my life.

a blessing.

well, i’ve been thinking about my life along 2006. so many things happened. i’ve had great and lovefull year if i looked into my opening year–at least 5 great months, and i’ve had rough and bumpy year if i reffered to last couple of months. let me say riska, rahma, meita, elkom, great 20thbday, GPA2.28, internship of mine, jakarta, singapore, malaysia, mum’s love, dad’s finance (hahahaha), ups and downs emotions, faboulous friends–dita, revi, judy, tata, nemi, riri, kukang, dhanu, galih, dewa, olil, pra, tata, dea, ardito, andhara-iman-abi-dewa-esti-shanty (tx fur bday party and all of our nite-job. i’m done, guys. ahahaha), nidong, anin, erik, fauzy, moti, djay-winnu-arbow-ical-cupil (very great internship moments), and i could still go on forever…

I just want to thank all those people:

Thanks for everything and the people I named above… They deserve a special thanks since they keep me alive in one way or the other.

Thanks too for all the tenderness you’ve smiled at me, an unconditional you’ve cared on me, the patientness you’ve heard from me, the sunshine-sunset-and-winter you’ve covered me with, and also the sorrow you’ve given to me over and over again. =]

Thanks so much for giving me advice and talking to me on the phone when I need someone to talk to. You guys are awesome.

Thanks for your trust in me, an honour for me, letting me hear anything from you all, sorry if i couldnt make things better.

Thanks for helping me through hard times.

Thanks for all fun that you’ve given to me.

Thanks for makin my days along last year.

That about covers it. I’ve already thanked some people in person but for those that haven’t been thanked in person,
Thanks for everything, you all rock! Good luck in life.

Very Happy Nu Year 2007!

whoaaa!! tiring saturday, as always. pagi banget gw bangun donk.. it’s about 4.30 in the morning!! kurang tidur aja gitu, secara malemnya gw baru tidur jam1 (ga kurang tidur juga sih. secara gw emang aga kalong gituh). hehehe.. dan tanpa mandi, cuma wudhu buat solat shubuh (even pake sabun muka aja engga donk!!), gw+bokap+nyokap+siko jam 5.30an langsung tenis aja ke sangkuriang. sayang sekali lapangannya basah. huh, bolanya jadi berat aja gitu. sama kaya mata gw (najis, pake analogi sgala)

since there’s always a bless for me, ada aja yang ngebuat gw jadi sneng pagi itu. laras dateng dooonk!! it’s been ages since our last meeting before ramadhan. ko ga pernah ktemu dikampus ya? hiks2.. makin adorable! makin kurus, makin putih, dan dia pake baju sejenis pajamas yang longgar gitu, jadi kliatan keren abissssss! and rite she’s so skinny! dan tipe gw banget!! se nicole richie gitu deh. wadoh jangan2 dia eating disorder lageh. bodo ah. tar juga klo uda gw nikahin (ngarep), gw ajalin maem yg banyak. huuaaaa, tau gitu gw bner2 mandi wajib dulu deh! sial.. ya sudah lah, gw ga sempet ngobrol ma dia, cuma senyum2an doank, secara bonyoknya ga brenti nanya2 gw mulu. "dery uda lama mainnya?" "dery kapan lulus?" "dery ko kurusan?" dan bla bla bla lainnya. dan tibalah saat2 yang dinanti2kan, "dery uda lama ga ktemu laras ya?" dan gw dan laras hanya berbalas senyum and she’s back into her Gogirl magz. dan jam 8.30 akhirnya gw pergi ninggalin dia (kesannya apaa gitu) karna harus siap2 buat ke nikahan kiki.

gw ma nyokap brangkat undangan jam 10.30. dsana, gw ktmu segal, kaget juga, si teman lama, calon dokter (eh kalo lg koas tu uda dokter ya? ya iyalah, secara dia cerita baru aja kemaren dia nolong ibu2 ngelahirin. tnyata fkui tu skola bidan juga. baru tau gw. hehe). cukup banyak ktemu tmn sma. anak2 elektronya uda pada balik. ya sudahlah. abis itu nganter2 mama until jam3an. mo tenis tapi ga jadi karna ujan. jadi di rumah aja, makan (pentiiing!). edan donk, akhir2 ini porsi makan gw super duper banyak. entah lah, i already lost 8 pounds last 2 months, and i think i gain another 4 this week. ktiduran dari jam 4.30pm ampe 6.30pm, some missed calls, "esia"an ma tongki, aplo, tata (total=2 jam 28 menit, terdistribusi gaussian). trus skrg (11pm) ngeblog deh.. uda ah, wanna go out for snacks since i am on a hungry stomach.. =]

last, i do think my life is full of blesses. i start to live my life as it’s golden!

long time no see guys.. almost 3 weeks since my last silly post. seemed like my Bahasa’s post got many attentions. =p well, i dont give a damn, since i write my blog just for myself. yeah, okay, me and half of the world. it’s like i feel much better to write in English, especially this kind of gloom (ups!)

i just got home from campus, working my twentysomething’s life. raining everyday. honestly, i dont like the rain. i only like it when it’s dark and stormy but no water coming down. well, since i’m no God i couldn’t push the button for the rain rite? hehe..

another gloomy story from me (okay, you can close this window by now. hahaha). hff.. i’m tired of being this stupid person who keeps asking question but never seek answer. i dont believe in commitment anymore if you ask me. what i believe is just communication and action. but i dont put too much hope on it too. funny. we already talked so much but still didn’t know what each others want. we’re just a pair of human that are looking for something that not supposed to be there but worthed enuff to fight for. (apa coba?) sounds selfish, yes it is! why does it taste so good sometimes it hurts? why it has to exist? my tears have dried out, my anger has gone. all i could do is just putting them in words. let the world know and paint it darker than before………..

i hv so many that i took for granted. like myself for instead. i should live my life to the fullest. and i will now. i have questioned this matter on and on. kinda bored with it. i’m deleting you from my life. could i?

jatuh cinta. kaenya, bwt gw, hal itu ga jadi suatu yang aneh tuh. i fall in love everyday, actually. sepertinya itu adalah sesuatu yang sering banget gw alamin. soalnya, dimana pun gw berada, gw sering juga tiba2 jatuh cinta (eKstrim). lebih tepatnya, jatuh suka kali der.

love is great when you find someone to give it. buat gw, ngga peduli dibales ato engga. yang penting, gw uda menikmati saat-saat bareng dia. yang lucu, apapun yang dia lakuin selalu ngebuat gw GR!! kaya watu dia ngomong trus natap mata gw (padahal dia slalu ngelakuin tu ke orang laen juga), ato waktu dia ngga sengaja nyentuh tangan gw (ahahahahahahahaha, najis!!), waktu dia bongkar2 private-equipment macem hp ato tas ato dompet (gw berharap dia cemas klo ngeliat ada foto sapaaa gitu in one of them), ato juga klo dia sms bwat nanyain sesuatu (gw selalu berpikir dia cari alasan doank bwt sms) dan seterusnya.

love keeps your heart busy. yang pasti, gw selalu bersemangat ngejalanin aktivitas yang bisa ngehubungin gw ma dia. fur me, itu tu salah satu (salah satu lho!) yang jadi kunci sukses gw. kalo ada yang bilang gw gampang bgt cinlok ato ke-GR-an, emang gitu kok. that’s not a mistake. soalnya, terkadang lebih banyak hasil postif yang bisa gw dapet.

where there’s a love, there’s a life. sekarang si ada juga yang lagi gw suka (banyak malah! :))). gue pikir si (biasa, GR) dia juga naksir gw. what ever you say, yang jelas gw semangat aja bwt ke kampus. ;P.. positif kan? cinta ngebuat hidup makin hidup (jadi ngga hanya rokok loh!). jadi lebih semangat, lebih rapih+ganteng (even emang udah cetakannya ganteng, tp kan selalu pgn tampil tidy aja depan dia), lebih rajin juga (biar klo dia nanya2 apaa gitu gw ga blank / ga gaptek2 amat), lebih ramah juga (kadang suka juga senyum2 sendiri ke- GR-an).

simple thing often makes me head over heels! (i dont use heels. kan cuma idiom. hehehe). once, someone said this to me,"are you tired? want me to drive?". sweeeeeeeeettt!!! <——– taulah sapa, hahahahahaha, old page once again..