—007—

cinderella man.. i’m breathless, cried a little, eerie, apprehensive, frightened on and on at the same time! cinderella man is great as hell! well, russell crowe is a true beast for god sake! hehe,, somehow i love those kind of settings, the people and era of 1930’s, their vest, longcoat and necktie-always-there, pedhora hat, jazz-lounge-dark rhythm, vague club with small amount of lights and full of smokes, those wavy blonde chicks with their longcoat and bright lips. i wish i was born on that epoch!

tristan and isolde.. here’s tristan’s words when sees isolde with someone else.. "i live in torture, thinking of this moments. every look he gives you, i get sicker and sicker. there’s a burning in me. i feel on fire, and there’s a guilt. and i can’t get rid of either. does it make you happy to know that? why does loving you feel so wrong?" *aaarrrrgggghhhh, mate!!*

the notebook.. *i watched it for thousand times* BAZAAR says " for the warm and fuzzy feeling that only mushy romances can inspire the ending". well, u better watch this, highly recommended! Nup, i’m not telling the ending but keep a bigbox of tissues nearby, trust me, althrough no big names, the casts steal the show! one more thing, forget romeo and juliet, this is the love story of the noughties and one  that u’ll remember for decades!!! *sounds hiperbolic, but (again) trust me!!*

well.. kangen nulis blog berbahasa indonesia lagi nih…………
next post deh ;p

hmm.. *let’s straight to the point* i "met" my old gold friend at YM. he emailed asking me to online last night. we chat about all the shit in the world. a simple way in a modern days of getting away from an obstacles throughout our life (i pick up this obstacle word from my lecture i’ve had: yup, ET5003).

he red my blog and found (again) sorrow around me lately (damn you!). he said, just like a glass water, filled it up in the right amount. never too much, it’ll messed up the floor and it doesn’t look good. i said, uh-huh you’re right. small things i almost forgot. he told me that the right person comes in the right time, and i would never regret that moment. but if you face the end of happiness which turns into sadness, you have to thank-God. remember, you’ve felt those happy moments once. what a sunshine! i just can’t be patient sometimes. then we chat for almost 2 hours.

i went sleep and think on the way closing my day. maybe i need something to change my stupid life. everything is just like hell to me lately. maybe i couldn’t talk to someone so intimate like i used to before (okay, so intimate as if i talk with i-kno-who.hahaha). makes me go nuts. maybe i need a pet. at least they hear ya (sgitu deperatenya ya der?!?). or maybe i should redecorate my room again. i dunno. but  i couldn’t get the time to do all of those stuff. but that’s the problem. i should left myself sometime. a time that is mine and know that to change everything need to start from the man in the mirror.

*dewa, you’re devil!!*

couldnt come up with better title i know guys, please.. please accept it once. okay, particularly i did nothing in my holiday after had abroad to one place and caused this ‘oh-my-god-i’m-out-of-money’ condition, just spending better time of sleeping and watching never been touched dvd i’ve bought once,

minutes before, i CDed these songs for brighten up my day:
1.  justin timberlake - sexyback
2.  ape on the roof - everybody wants to be a DJ
3.  panic! at the disco - i wrte sins not tragedies
4.  jars of clay - dead man (carry me)
5.  arctic monkeys - i bet you look good on the dance floor
6.  the killers - bones
7.  corinne bailey star - put your records on
8.  mary j. blidge - be without you
9.  lily allen - smile
10.  embrace - target *gosh, it’s great as hell*
11.  james morisson - you give me something
12.  fergie - london bridge
13.  feist - inside and out
14.  muse - starlight
15.  chemical romance - welcome to the black parade
16.  john mayer trio - who did you think i was?
17.  gorillaz - dare
18.  jamie foxx - unpredictable

this CD’s gonna make my day!!!! halah..

from one side, i felt a blessful Holy-day. everything was perfect. but there’s still something missing deep inside. i had enough of daydreaming. standing between the lines of emotional state. leaving me questions which i cannot answer. an answer i can’t find in the good book or drowned in my paper work. well no wonder, the answer is on our hands. lately i’ve been stupidying myself again (what word is that? stupidying?). in a such dramatic and mellow kinda way i remembered those sweet times. times where i’ve had times with i-kno-who ones. an intimate person that we spent in such a mutual ways of dialogues, caressing thoughts and tender smiles. just because i saw our pictures or reading your sms it doesn’t mean i’m a pathetic loser. i tried to make the best out of it but it just got harder and harder everytime. it’s like drugs that kept pulling you back to addiction. like a cancer in your vital organs, you can live but you’re dying. i cannot rephrase this in other more pretty pictures. but it is the way i think.

i’m the sun in my world which makes me blind that i have so many things to concern about outside of my selfishly ego. hunger, poverty, desease, economic frustation, world peace, discriminations and so much others. do i have to concern about those craps? hahaha, wait until i’m titled as governor of BI or vice president marketing of indosat. i should’ve change. not for anyone, not for anything bit for the sake of my mind. talking about changes, i’ve change my haircut, and my hairstyle lil bit.

well well, what a long long long long long holiday!! (i could go on forever). lebaran came and it was great times for me going back to my true big root family, since college had stole almost my year or so. that was one moment that i particulary couldn’t forget. i almost weep. it was a moment of affection. seeing how many touched faces we had that moment when we sungkem to each others. i met people of my past, which reminds me the good old days.

some of them had prospectous carrier (my cousin’s going to china next week, another one had been promoted for great position and outstanding salary), one of them had another baby, (see little princess i’ve uploaded), some are continuing their study, one of my cousin also will take undergraduate study somewhere in Vancouver Canada (whoaaaaaa i wish i had lots of moneys and had franchise-restaurants like your mum’s!!hahaha, illusioning!), but some haven’t finish college yet, some grief with lost of their loved ones (oh gosh, we’re soulmates, Teh!!haha).

many things had happen in our lives. i didn’t thought of much of it. lecture has kept me and my schedule so busy that I can’t figure out their news. College is the usual, hectic, hectic and hectic. I certainly know that I’m not the only one who’s busy and not kept in touch. But on top of the busy things, I feel so lost. Anyway enough about that. i attached some pictures of me and some siblings, and there are some little wrongs if you coul
d recognize. ;p 

heyya!! well, i’m in a busy weekend by now.. yesday, i went to hypermart wit my mum. it was overcrowded and i coulndt even squeeze myself between the counters. huh! it’s bcz the 31%-discount for every purchase with BNI-debitcard (except electronic stuff). and yup, my mum spent 4.5 million rp just for those kitchen-goodies! (uda kaya mo buka warung aja blanjanya). i got encok after raising those all up. hmm, but scrimp for about 1.5 million is reasonable, mum.

well, here i am now, back home, blogging, the radio’s spinning. anyway, lately i’m listening to java jive CD i just bought on thursday. a perfect match of my delivering thougts tonight. oyea, i also got my new jeans last friday, another 523 i love so much. yippy!

i was surely have so many wishes that only a greater power from me could fulfill. i’m talking about God if you still catch the phrase. hoho. i kno that He does’t give straight away the moment i was praying for them. it was times after, i get what i want. there’s nothing i didn’t get really, it was amazing.

we just dont see it in our time, but in His time. hmm, i just feel so blessed with everything i have. i got my friends, my productive youth, and i got my unusual intensive way of thinking.

bliss!

hi back with me again, i’m spending my weeken’ with big rest, and watching muvee, and blogging junks (as u can see). i watched Lake House for the second times and it’s still stunning! so many great views on that films and the story is outstream somehow. yeah, japan style, never better, eh? …

my day begins at 9am, when i wake up and get ready in the morning, which means getting myself ready. well, actually i was supposed to do my final paper to finish off my study, but it’s more like 1% of it. hehehe.. i’m just enjoying much of my time with myself. a thing i haven’t done in ages. anyway, brilliant friday, tiring saturday, and finest sunday. it’s been lovely days i’ve been through lately. the sun is up, skies are blue. sunshine ain’t so bright. i think it’s gonna rain sometime in the afternoon (well, impossible)

i’ve met many humans with totally different souls i’ve been never found before. they called themselves lovers, but no strings attached. i haven’t felt that i’ve found what i’m looking for. we’re lost in translation even though we’re good in taking mates. i’m not feeling secure at all. feels tricky when i get to that point when i felt that they are mine. when actually my sense of justice blame me for being not fair. they know it and they feel good about it. i want it back. i want it back. those secureness i once felt.

i mean my day with i-kno-who was sunshine, then sunset, then winter pale. haha.. i could laugh on it but still sometimes when i heard the word tompi, hearing his songs, walking near HME still giving me a creep. i couldn’t deny it but what i must confess is i know something that no one could compare. if there’s any chance for me to exchange all my times with i-know-who with anything even gold, surely i wont!

i didn’t thought of much of it. just the memory passes with brought fuzzy feeling inside of me. for those reading this, i’m not grieving at myself now, i’m just being wise from crying out loud. hahaha..

anyway, it was an old page….

my tooth is still sore, it was treated, but i should comeback last friday for another appointment with the dentist, but i want with my ex. remember briliant friday? hehe… my phobia with dentist was finally over, thanks to the nice dentist. my mum introduced me to her, so kind..

i’ve already thanked some people in  person, but those that haven’t been thanked in person, just want to know you closer and appreciate you much for spending your goldtime for just reading my junks. haha..

wierd title, i know. just couldnt come up with anything better.
fiuh, tough week yea? but dunno deh.. hmmph, it is rough!! but kind of nice ending and never remorse it whatsoever..

my days:

mon: ada motor nabrak mobil guee!! (males dah pake inggris2an klo yg ini sih). ih kampungan bener dah. he wanted me repair his motorcycle! hello, callin on earth! yuhuu, obviously dia yg salah gitu secara dia nabrak gw dari belakang! ampe digiring ke kantor polisi aja gitu gw. and yup, i was in a very right position and of course free from any judges! moron he is! awas klo ktemu lagi!

tues: i did nothing special. just went to campus. and didn’t do anything from 11am until 5pm!! hohoho, nyampah bnerrr. just hanging around with tata, found something to do to take my mind off missing someone. hahaha, gapenting. i ate bebek goreng van java, and it was hell! somehow, i hate the taste and its sambals. too spicy. couldn’t enjoy it for sure.

wed: i dealed with the terrible fever I had that day and wasn’t letting me move my body at all and worse didn’t let me puasa (sial, hrs qadha deh)… maybe because of the weather, maybe i was just not strong enuff to resist the changeable mother nature. why didn’t I eat medicine? Cause I didn’t want to. Why didn’t I go to the doctor? Cz there were going to take forever and it was just a waste of time…it would get better on its own, I hoped. anyway, my mum has got back from umrah. glad to see her again (with lots of lugagge hahaha). she added more suitcases only for expenditures!!

thurs: and yes, i was just healing from my physically ill body. i didn’t like thinking myself has gotten ill. but, i still needed a rest for recharging my energy. anyway, i prepared my first midterm test by studying in the library until noon. (huhuhu). as i got home, those laziness came and didnt let me open the book again but i decided to clean up my room which look a lot like a disaster than a resting place.

fri: i had an exam this morning and it was so so. little travelling in middle of the day, and the sun didnt stop burning me. had a little conflict but it’s done–my fault anyway. last, at the early evening, i met my friend (as we arranged before) to have buka puasa together. we ate in kantin du21, one place in dipatiukur. we talked much, smiled on each other, laughed sometimes.. good times anyway. can’t say enough about you. everytime i talk to you, you put a smile on your face. you’ve got your own way on everything. hope you’re doing good and keep in touch, miss.

i opened my early days of october with lots of yada-yada..
hope it’ll turn sweet in the end..
yap! being optimistic is all that i need
c ya!
=]

i cried nonstop yesterday..
it’s been hard days lately..
wonder if i really could fix these things up again..

my health’s getting worse lately. i dunno why but it’s might caused by the adaptation term of my body facing this early ramadhan. anyway, my mum went umrah this morning. how i wish i could accompany her along that magical journey. those midterm exams screw everything!! aarrrggghh…

i’m listening "rod stewart - i dont wanna talk about it" by now. i’ve been singing that song for days after the brain failure i had along this month (probably 27 days, haha, y’kno wh i mean). actually, i’m starring at that’s person shadow  along with the lyric i’m singing out  loud for the ol’ time sake, remembering how i was destructed and defeated by my own feeling. but that was then, now? my butt is heating up and off it go leaving you another dust to bite!! hoho, kasar..

so days after i still couldnt let go. until the day before puasa came, i suddenly realize there was something to remember about that day. it was kinda odd for me, two forgetful friends (or foo?) without a reminder. i sent a simple message without expecting any reply–i lied (and yes, there was none of reply–since i always  got nothing from that person, the other replied so so). i knew what i did that night was wrong. first, remembering that day. second, sending an sms was worse. but two wrong dont make a right. just a simple confessions to myself that the little H is still there.. (H for hope)

all i need is a mind erasing program, just like jhony mnemonic had. i just want to restart and rearrange my time–to the time where there was before you..